The neighborhood that the punk and I live in is very nice and very upper class. Obviously I'm not upper class, but I've fucked a few upper class men, so that makes me almost upper class, right?
Anyway. It's mostly older people in my neighborhood and there is not one single kid in our apartment complex. So imagine my pure delight when I discovered that the new neighbors 2 doors down have some kids who come every other weekend. The man has a 3 year old daughter that comes every Thursday and Friday, and then the woman has twins (boy and a girl) who are 6 and they come every other weekend. Of course it's the weekend that the punk is with her dad though.
So we set up a playdate for last night with the 3 year old. She was a nice kid but holy fuck did she talk like a baby! I felt like shaking her and screaming, "grow up, bitch". They played for a while and had a good time and then her dad came by to pick her up. As he bent down to put one of her shoes on, this is what I saw...
Friday, October 3, 2008
Your ass makes me want to kill babies
Naturally the only thought going through my head was to get a picture of this splendid ass crack. That thing is fucking huge. Who walks around with half of their ass hanging out of their pants? Seriously? Does he maybe have an extra large/long ass crack? I guess I'll never know. But this image will be stuck in my head for the rest of my life, and every time I look at this man, I will only see this.
Drunkenly written by Dirty Pirate Hooker at 9:32 AM
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38 other skanks said...:
It'll be stuck in my head too since it was the first thing I saw on my cell phone this morning.
I guess that's Joe Asscrack.
Wow. That's an asscrack.
Were you tempted to drop pennies down in it.
Ummmm, no. BUT, I did want to tickle it a little with a feather. Is that weird?
No, NO! You should have spit down it!!! Thank you for permanently scarring me for life, or at least the rest of the day with that shot! Is he a plumber by any chance? At least you didn't see a pink g string or thongs sticking out...
Seriously, I was thinking the same thing BB!! That was the last thing I saw last night and I didn't sleep after that for shit! I dreamed all night long about plumbers....
Sorry, but if I had to see it, then you assholes have to see it!
Also, be glad you didn't smell the slight odor that went along with it, ok?
Coin slot! I'd have tried tossing coins down the slot.
I wonder who the people on my sitemeter under Glendive, Montana and Englewood, New Jersey are...
I see you on all the time.
I see ass crack all the time because, indeed, Hellbilly is a plumber. But that ass happens to be MINE and I happen to like it a lot and I always see it when he's doing stuff for US
As far as someone else's ass crack...no. No I don't think so. Except for that thing O'Neal said about seeing a pink g string. I think that would make it just fine.
Crack kills.
And I know you're all Bling - but those shoes? The purple ones? Targhay. I'm bargain basement, all the way.
bahhahahahahahahahahahahahaa! That is friggen hilarious! :) That is one serious asscrack!
MK, nothing say's 'I'm here for you' like some poon in the bathroom! You make me proud.
Also, bitch please...I like me some target shoes!
Denise, yes, it truly is a huge, disgusting ass crack.
At least it's not disgustingly hairy with long tufts sticking out between his fleshy cheeks. THAT would be horrible....
LMFAO!!
That is HIGHlarious. I love that you took a picture of it. Bitch you make me laugh!!
xoxo,
Whore
Ummmm, so for lack of anything better to do, I went to Urban Dictionary.com and looked up some meanings for my name. I would like to share.
Lauren 68 up, 26 down
1.)Amazingly beautiful. Most girls hate her because of this.
2.)An expert in bed, gives good head.
3.)Innocent,sweet and girly on the surface but underneath lies a real minx.
4.)Full of feminine charm.
5.)Works those curves!
1.)'Omg mom look at her! What an absolute Lauren'
2.)'I had me me some funnnnn times with Lauren last night ;)'
3.)'Lauren syndrome'
Lauren 355 up, 303 down
aka the sexiest girl alive. typically blonde, with blue eyes, and a killer smile. this girl may appear to be nice, but she has definite slut-like qualities. known to be a make-out queen, and sometimes a bamf. lauren is the greatest girl ALIVE.
"mannnn i hooked up with lauren last night it was mad awesome."
"dude, i didn't know lauren did that stuff, but dayummm she is so sexy man. i'd tap that."
Lauren 96 up, 190 down
a blonde, drunk, chinchilla loving girl, who enjoys four dollar wine.
"yo check out the girl passed out in the hall way"
"Bro she is such a lauren"
"well what the hell was she drinking tonight?"
"boxed wine"
It would have been an okay text if there had been a black bar across his ass or something...
That didn't make sense and I don't give a shit.
Hop over to my blog peeps and read about self centered, drama lovin' little ole me!!!
Come on... you know you wanna read me ;)
So the last one is you with a wig, right?
Oh, and I really like your grey cloth look better than the red... It works!
Ummmm, yeah. Sure Ghost. I was blonde once...
Mal, you're already speaking German to me.
So was I.
so. hot.
Nein, Ich bin nicht...
What would of made this perfect would be if he farted when he bent down !!
That is so gross!
Thanks for meeting me for lunch!!!
Maybe later my husband can show us a little ass crack since I know now how much you like it. ;)
Way to be stealth! P.S. I <333333 the new background!
Philly, better for who???
Ruca, you're easily disgusted by my blog, LOL.
Lisa, you're the one that drove all the way down here! I'm excited to come over tonight, it will be fun. If your husband shows me his ass crack, can I throw pennies at it?
abc, damn you fucker, you're stealth! Who are you?
What the hell are you doing with a camera so handy anyway? Is ass crack your secret fetish? C'mon, fess.
Omg how'd you manage to get a camera out that quick?
I never understood the ass crack thing either. I can't imagine letting my pants go so low that my ass crack would be showing. Plus, I know I'd feel the breeze and KNOW my ass was hanging out.
I think men have extra long ass cracks or something. You're right.
The more I gaze upon the crack, the more worried I am NOT about the size of the crack, but there is NO WAY IN HELL he is wearing any draws. AT ALL. I'm thinking maybe you should start back ground checking the Punk's friend's parents before playdates...At least THAT guy has NO room to talk smack about you! ;) And if he does...well then you got ammo!
smoochies! xoxo
One of my bff's really does have an abnormally tall ass crack. She has some nickname for it. Seriously. And how DO you get your camera out so fast?!
hahaha...... aaahhh..... the sad part is... you had enough time to take a picture....
Why is he wearing a belt? Just to hold his ass cheeks together tighter? He needs to start bending at the knees.
I need to bleach my eyes.
OMG that was hillarious! I can't believe you grabbed your phone and got a pic. Lets hope he reads this and gets a clue about buying a belt.
OMG you are fucking hilarous. Extra-long asscrack? LOL. Fuck!
That's nuts, how do people let that shit hang out?
that is some serious ass crackage. I love picturing you stealing a shot at this guys crack while he´s bending over. Funny as hell.
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