Happy Birthday Charlie Apple.

I realize all of you may not be interested in this post, so for those of you who aren't, scroll down and there is another post below that is more on the funny side. No judgement. I understand this story isn't for everyone.

Today is a special day for me. It’s my sweet baby girl’s birthday. Every year on her birthday, we sit down and I tell her the story of her birth and we look at the photos. So I thought I would share it with all of you.

I wake up at 3:42 am, on Wednesday, May 8, 2002. I have to pee for the 438th time that night. I notice though that there’s a little blood. I run upstairs, wake up grandma and say, “I’m gonna have a baby today”. She jumps out of bed, half asleep, and starts looking for her clothes. I laugh and say, not yet. Go back to bed.
I’m too excited at this point, so I go down to the garage (den) and watch TV. I’m having contractions about every 5-7 minutes. I wait a few hours and Aunt Amy gets up and sees me in the garage. She asks why I’m up and I tell her. She decided she’s going to wait with me also.

It’s 9:00 am now and my contractions are about 4-5 minutes apart. I call my doctor and he says to wait until they are closer together, like around 2-3 minutes apart, or until my water breaks. So Amy, already having had your cousin Raven the year before, tells me to do cartwheels up the hallway. Obviously she is blind and can’t see that I weigh 205 lbs. I have no business doing cartwheels…but I do them anyway. I then reconsider and decide to go on a walk. Around the corner from the house and I feel a gush…it’s not a real big one, but I decide I should go back to the house to investigate the matter further.
I get home and am not real sure, so I decide to take a shower. As soon as I get in, I feel another gush. So I finish my shower and call my doctor. He says if it were my water breaking, I would have felt a really big gush, but that I should come in anyway and they will check it out. I leave Uncle Brian with the responsibility of calling everyone to let them know that it will probably be today or the next day.

Grandma and Grandpa get me loaded up in the car with the baby seat and my hospital bag (just in case). We arrive at the hospital at 10:30 am. They get me situated in a birthing suite, hook me up to all the fetal monitoring, and see my contractions, which are now about 4 minutes apart. They swab me to test to see if it’s amniotic fluid and if my water has broken.
I’m lying in bed; a few people have shown up to sit with me through the long haul. I’ve made a critical mistake though…I didn’t feed my fat self before I came to the hospital and now that I’m here, they won’t let me eat anything and are rationing my ice chips. I finally convince them to give me a popsicle…very filling! An hour later, they come back and say that my water broke, but not really. It got a hole in the top and the amniotic fluid was sort of “ballooning” over the top and leaking out in little spurts. So they finished the job and popped it for me. Then they gave me some pictocin to speed up the process.

It’s 3:00 pm. I’m having contractions but they really don’t hurt that bad. Aunt Sissy (RHBS) is there, waiting patiently by my side and being so sweet. The nurses come in every hour and check on my status, to see how I’m progressing.
It’s 4:00 pm. I’m starting to really feel the contractions now. They are about 2-3 minutes apart and they are getting much stronger! I am dilated to 2cm. The nurse gives me a shot of medicine to help with the pain, but it just makes me loopy and it doesn’t take the pain away. The nurse calls my doctor and he says I can have my epidural. The anesthesiologist comes in to give me my epidural and when he asks if I have back problems I say yes and he threatens to not give me the epidural. I attempt to leave the hospital to go somewhere where they will give me the epidural because I am not bringing a baby into this world with no pain meds! He makes me sign a waiver and gives me the epidural, which I’m pretty sure was worse pain that childbirth.

It’s 4:30 pm and I feel no pain. Aunt Sissy (RHBS) is rubbing my feet. I can’t feel it, but my brain says it’s good. I sit around and talk with all my family and friends for a few hours. I start to feel a little more pain and they come back in and refill my epidural.

It’s 8:00 pm. They say I’m fully dilated and ready to start pushing. They can’t get a hold of my doctor though and say that someone else may have to deliver you. They clear out the room and ask all of my friends and family to wait in the waiting room. They start transforming the comforting, soothing birthing suite into a stale delivery room. Stirrups pop up out of no where, the bottom half of the bed drops out and my crotch is open for all to see. Grandma is there, holding my hand. The nurse asks if I want her to fold down the mirror so I can watch. I throw up and say NO. They tell me to start pushing and I’m terrified it’s going to hurt or that something’s going to go wrong. I throw up again. My doctor strolls in finally. I push for about 20 minutes and out comes this huge child, that’s thrown onto my chest. It’s 8:59 pm.

My first thought is, “are her fingers supposed to be this long”? I look at her for a few seconds and they grab my newborn baby from me, and carry her away. I’m watching those nurses like a hawk with my new infant; sure that someone is going to drop her the way they are just carelessly whipping her around. They announce that she is 8 lbs. even and 24 inches long. They bundle her up and bring her back to me while the doctor delivers my placenta and sews me back up. I stare into the dark eyes of this little being as she looks at me, wholly dependant on me. I see so much trust in her eyes and I hope she sees love in mine, and not fear.
From that day on, there have been many ups and downs in our life together, but I hope that you know dear child that I love you. You hold my entire heart in your beautiful sparkling eyes. Your perfect smile feeds my soul and your amazing laugh makes me weak.
Happy Birthday baby.
P.S. I'll be using this picture of your bathing suit sitting snugly in your ass as blackmail in the years to come. Love you!